Andrew is a hero. In South Shields. In McDonalds, where I went to pee. On entering I found security guard protected toilets; also, a young girl warned me to take care because strange things were happening in the Gents.

I barely hesitated, because my need was great. On entering, I found the boyfriend of the girl outsite, unbuttoning a man’s jeans.

I should say that he’d been asked to do so by the wearer of said jeans. Unfortunately, the jeans gentleman also wore jogging bottoms under his outer layer. Apparently, he’d anticipated below zero temperatures.

Worse still, his underlayer involved a tie-cord. Which was firmly fastened in a knot.

Andrew (the boyfriend of the girl outside) asked me for assistance because he bites his nails and struggles with knots. I also bite my nails and find knots an impossibility. I was mid stream at the time too, so helping would have been a challenge.

On leaving the Gents, I located my second in command. Andrew, who followed soon after, confirmed that the knot was undone.

All ended well. Although I suspect the multiple layered man might not have fastened himself back up sufficiently (he seemed to be wearing weed-scented aftershave).

Should I ever bump into Andrew again, I shall buy him beer.