Several years ago, a mate and I set off on an adventure to Holland. A festival in Holland. Arriving in Calais, we decided to buy cheap beer rather than pay Dutch prices.

This involved a lengthy wait for a wine warehouse to open, since we’d arrived at a ridiculously early hour. Which meant we were pretty tired by the time a warehouse opened.

The choice of wine was impressive. Unfortunately, we couldn’t take glass bottles to the festival and only one brand of beer was on sale for a sensible price.

And that brand was Wanka. It was incredibly cheap and only a month or two out of date. Concerned about our schedule and the possibility of illness due to outdated beer, we left the Wanka beer and continued on our way.

We ended up buying overpriced beer from a Lidl in Belgium, shortly before entering Holland. During our time at the festival, we often talked about Wanka beer, wondering whether we could have avoided the medical tent had we purchased out of date beer.

We did have a great time at the festival, despite having to drink overpriced beer.

Tonight, while in our local corner shop, I spotted some cans of Wanka beer. Except it wasn’t. After telling many people over the years about the Wanka near miss, I now realise that tiredness had led to us mis-reading the can lettering in Calais.

So there’s no such thing as Wanka beer.